Thursday, February 21, 2013

I can't disguise the pounding of my heart It beats so strong

I will be grain free (low-carbs, sans gluten) for seven days on Saturday. I am super stoke. I'm feeling strong. I hope I'm able to continue with my momentum.

Carbs intake the last couple of days:
Wednesday 101 grams
Thursday 123 grams


Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Gluten-free, Less-Carbs. Doing okay.

Proud moment: Being able to (finally) fit into a dress that I love.

Anyways, so far I've been doing pretty good at keeping myself gluten-free. I've also been eating a TON of less carbs. I've read that recommended servings of carbs per day is 230 to 250 grams per day. I've done the following:
Saturday-- 118 grams
Sunday-- 79 grams
Monday-- 102 grams
Tuesday-- 126 grams

I dunno-- it seems to me that I'm doing a pretty good job for being one of those people with NO will-power.  And, since I've been sans gluten I know the carbs I have put in my body have been healthy; brown rice, sweet potatoes, and other random carbs in veggies, eggs, and meats.

I'm hoping I see a difference in the next couple of weeks. I know that my last weigh-in I didn't record. I had a 3 lb gain, and I wanted to give my body an entire week on this new life-style to see if it reflected on the scale, or if I notice a difference during working out. 

So, here's a couple different meals I've had this week, just to show you that I'm not starving, or hurting. :P
Eggplant Pizzas
Eggplant pizza and Alton Brown's Fresh Broccoli Salad for lunch.

Jess and I cooked dinner together. Roasted Asparagus, Fresh greens, steamed broccoli, 1/3 cup brown rice, and Pepper-Crusted Flank Steak

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Dietary Over-Haul

Sweet $3.99 find in the Boy's Clearance at my work.
After a Q&A with Dr. Brooke Kalanic I decided it was time for a Dietary Over-Haul. Though I feel as if I eat relatively healthy; I don't eat fast food, I don't drink soda, and I eat real foods cooked at home (except for the occasional Chili's with my boyfriend...DON'T JUDGE!), I know there is always room for improvement. 

Something Dr. Brooke told me really rang true-- when I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome ) I was told so many things that utterly scared and confused me, but I was told that due to my condition I was insulin resistant. While speaking with Dr. Brooke she said that due to the fact that I still carry so much weight in my belly, and my shape still hasn't really changed (even with a significant weight change) that I maybe insulin resistant. With a few different doctors telling me that I'm insulin resistant why haven't I changed my diet?

I asked Dr. Brooke the following:
"I have PCOS. I was diagnosed back in 2008, but I started showing symptoms back when I was 19 (2003/2004). When I was diagnosed I weighed 295lbs, I am currently 193 lbs. I am not a lazy person (it's frustrating having people assume you're inactive when you're over-weight for a legit medical reason)-- I've been working on losing this weight a long time. Are there foods I should be avoiding (I don't drink soda, I don't eat fast foods. I eat real food)? Are there certain foods I should be trying to eat more of?"

And she responded back:
"As for foods to eat less of: with PCOS gluten and diary are the biggest trouble makers; along with too many of any carb. As for foods to eat more of - center your meal around veggies, this gives you the fiber to keep blood sugars more normal, then think protein (chicken, fish, grass fed beef, etc). Then move on to your carbs: start with around 4 bites and play with it to see how Appetite, Cravings & Energy respond.

I know I have a diary intolerance (most people of American Indian decent have some sort of allergy to milk, and my biological father was half Native), and when I was hospitalized for Diverticulitis a few years ago they told me that Gluten maybe the culprit along with an allergy to milk. Now, I'm not one of those people that think that Gluten is the root of all evil, but I also know that it can't hurt to limit my Gluten intake, and to start myself on a low-carbohydrate diet.

So, here it goes. My dietary over-haul. I know its not gonna be easy, I know I'm gonna have some DTs and intense cravings, but I am going to start slowly but surely. Less diary, less gluten, less carbs, less sugar, less meat. I'm excited to experiment-- I hope this is fun.

Low-carb/Gluten-free dinner ideas

Grilled Chicken with Spinach and Melted Mozzarella, with a Baked Sweet-Potato, and Fresh Broccoli Salad

Radio Challenge

Turn on the radio, hoop the entire song to whatever is playing, record, and share video unedited.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Never Trust a Bad-Guy, Graham

I am reminded this week how easy it is to fall into old habits (I'm sure come Friday that will reflect on the scale), it's frustrating feeling like after months of hard work a hiccup comes along and throws me off.

But, I've got this.

The difference between me now, and me last May is I know that through continuous hard-work, dedication, and consistency I have the strength and courage to continue pursuing my happiness-- or hoopiness, in my case. And, instead of me fixating on the things I feel I'm failing at currently (ie I am beating myself up for falling into old habits), I want to celebrate where I've been, how far I've come, feel proud of myself, and then fix my current attitude by making a plan, executing and sticking with it.

On February 1st this happened:

"I am OFFICIALLY more than 100lbs lighter than I was the day I left Josh. I know that some of you may be thinking to yourself; "you left Josh almost 5 years ago. What took you so long?" 

Here's my answer:
When I left him there were so many more things wrong with me than just merely my size; my confidence was gone, I was messed-up sexually for a long time, I was angry, my BP has incredibly high for a 45 year-old man and I was 24 when I left, I was told there was a possibility that I would never have children that were biologically mine (I heard this at a doctors appointment about 5 months before I left). I had uncontrollable rage (that got worse after my biological father passed away), I was diagnosed with PCOS, and after I left and he told me I couldn't talk to my boys anymore I started showing symptoms of something else (that I thought was pelvic pain from the PCOS), and 10/11 months after I had left I was diagnosed with Diverticulitis.
And my healing process took some time. I am STILL healing. I spent nearly 5 months on O'ahu before Jessica brought me home to The Compound-- I think of that time on O'ahu now as a barrier that drove me out. I needed that Pacific Ocean to ensure I would not go back (like I had before). And, when I tried to go home to Oregon I was having constant panic (way more than I like to admit, but something that is so clear to me now). 

Granted, I know my weight issues were not all Josh-caused-- I have never been a slight woman. I'm solid, and strong...and yes, over-weight. But, in the three years I was with him I became morbidly obese. And, I had him everyday telling me that NO ONE would EVER love me like he did. He even told me that my parents didn't really love me, and he made me feel like I should be grateful to him because despite the fact that I was so unlovable he apparently did. Yet he was mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive towards me. 

In my journey (which is not yet over) I've hurt a lot of people, because of the hurt I was feeling that someone else put there. I've been mean. I've been unjust, and unkind. And to be completely frank there were times after Cash died I really was unlovable-- but, I know I am strong and a person of good character, because I am trying so hard to fix myself so I can someday not just say I'm sorry to those I have hurt along the way, but show those people that have gotten me here that I am sorry. 

And, I am so grateful. I am so grateful that I still love those two little boys with all of my heart-- without that love I wouldn't have gotten a 4.0 my last two terms at Lane, I would never have been that brave and flew over the ocean to begin with if it weren't for the love I feel for those boys. I wouldn't know that love like this existed if it weren't for them, and every day I look at their pictures in my room and it pushes me forward. I want to be a good healthy example for them, because they've been the best thing that has ever happened to me still. 

Anyways, 4 years later (almost 5) I am still pushing forward. I am a 100lbs lighter. I am living proof that if you wanna fly you gotta let go of the shit weighing you down."
I am 57 lbs lighter than I was when I turned 28-- I have been changing and moving forward since 2008, and I had an awakening in the last eight months. I am strong. I know my worth. I am looking forward to celebrating my 29th trip around the sun, and ending my twenties a better person than when I started them.

I think for now I am going to go to sleep, think about my next blog (I have a couple ideas floating around in my head), and start fresh tomorrow. I can't beat myself up, all I can do is stop making such bad decisions. And, my first good, healthy decision of the new week is going to bed before 11pm.

Sleep well, sweet-world. 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

“Best friend isn't a person, Danny, it's a tier.”

Tier   /ti(ə)r/ Noun A row or level of a structure, typically one of a series of rows placed one above the other and successively receding or diminishing in rank, row, line, range.

While we were watching The Mindy Project the other night Mindy said; "Best friend isn't a person, Danny, it's a tier." My best friend agreed with this statement. Where I do not.

In fact, the more I think of last night, the more I want to explode with anger. It's not that I mind my friend having other friends than me, or in this instance having an entire pyramid in her back-pocket. I just also know that there is something special in our relationship and down-playing that quality really upset me.

Its not that I mind being in a group of fabulous womyn. Its the idea that if I were to die tomorrow that someone would simply slide into my position.

I think what hurts and upsets me the most about this situation is the whole midwifery thing. I rearrange my life, and bend-over backwards to support my friend in her career-- and she has a hard career. If her kids are sick, I watch them. If I have plans, I watch them. If I'm trying to pick up extra shifts at work, I first clear it with my friend to ensure no one is due.

Now we're getting into something completely different that isn't based on the tier statement. My point is, I don't see a single member of this tier, other than myself, stepping up to the plate or doing what I do.

I am a person. I am not a fucking tier.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Good-bye January, Hello February


So, I reached all of my goals , except drinking 100oz of water a day. However, my fluid ounces of water over-all was at 3,356oz (drinking a 100oz of water a day for 31 days would have put me at 3,105oz for the month).
I kept track, and logged what I did everyday to keep myself on track.

For the month of February I am thinking that my goals will be based more on hula hooping, and less on getting miles in. I like the idea of keeping myself challenged.

February 2013:
30 minutes Hula Hooping a day.
Continue with C25K training-- I'm thinking of starting over on Week 1 Day 1.
Post in KeepingUpWithSari twice a week. 
2 Activities from Workout Trainer a week