Sunday, April 17, 2016

Muscle to Muscle and Toe to Toe / The Fear Has Gripped Me But Here I Go

Working Logistics Associate, and Artist
 Twenty days.

In twenty days I will be getting on a big iron bird and flying back to Oregon. By the time I leave it'll have been 208 days I spent here. By the time Bradford leaves 251 days for him.

When we were coming here Kieran had wrote me an email saying that I shouldn't think about leaving Oregon, and only think about coming home to him and the rest of my family. And, I did.

From October to the end of January not only did I have Jess and the Littles nearby, but I also had Old Navy. However, since the beginning of 2016 I have gotten a total of only 61 hours at Old Navy.

Moreover, my last working shift I was harassed consistently and nonstop.

On Thursday, March 24th I had been assigned to open the Boys department. I was set out to do this before 7:30, and at 6:50/7AM I was asked by one of my managers how many boxes I had left. I had six left, and knew I would be done on time, and instead of running the boys products I was asked to jump into women's to help open the women's products.

Between 7 and 7:30 I had an additional five FULL boxes set into my department. I felt really proud that I had everything open, including the five extra boxes by 7:45-- only fifteen minutes off from my projected time.

However, by the time I was done with the boys department, I was feeling extremely irritated-- the last  twenty minutes of my opening I had six different interruptions-- managers sending over my coworker to ask me if I was done, and to hop into women's as soon as boy's is open. That is an interruption every three and a half minutes.

Every three and a half minutes.

3 and 1/2 minutes.

At the end of that shift I knew it was time to start saying my mental goodbyes to my time working for GAP Inc.

The following week while I was working my second, consistent job I got a call from my Old Navy, I was unable to answer the call, because I was working. Over the weekend I checked my messages and discovered that it was the manager that had sent me home, because of the heated argument that happened on the 24th-- she had pulled me into a storage room, spoke to me in a condescending tone, and then sent me home when I needed space from her because I told her all I wanted was to work, and she wouldn't allow me to.

I was unable to call back, because I had an extremely busy weekend.

The next week I got a call from the same manager. I had already written my two weeks notice, and sent it in while I was on my fifteen at work, and on the same break I noticed I had a call from Old Navy. I noted the call and saw that I had a voicemail, but I completely forgot about it until, again the weekend (it's like I am busy until I have free time, or something).

This time when I checked my messages it was the same manager saying that if I didn't call her back that she was going to let me go. I do not respond to threats well, and since then I have been walking around angry.

I am angry because I moved states for the promise of a job with hours. I am angry, because not a single thing planned at Old Navy fell through. I have always worked with amazing managers with this company, however from January to April I have experienced extreme apathy from management and my respect for these women has dwindled.

From October until April my primary need and want has been to work, work hard, go home, and eventually make my way back to the Pacific Northwest (bye-bye Southwest). However, it is hard to do a job, and do a job well when you are lacking certain key elements at work. For example:

My managers had a strict rule about name tags, but did I ever get a name tag after the holiday even after asking eight times? No. 
My last week at the store did I find food someone had placed in my locker that had expired ten days before? Yes.
Did managers care when I mentioned it? No.
My last week were my personal belongings gone from my locker with absolutely no explanation, or concern from management? Yes. 
Did I ever receive my employee discount card? Nope. 
Was I repeatedly treated disrespectfully and when I spoke to management about my concerns was anything ever done? I did not feel respected, and I have no clue if any of my concerns fell upon deaf ears. 

So, next week, the week that marks one years since my mother's passing, I will also be saying my final goodbyes to Old Navy, and my time at GAP, Inc (RIP 2011-2016).  I am mostly sad at this point. I feel thoroughly picked on by the manager that has left harassing and threatening messages, and honestly, will be glad when I no longer have to interact with her at all. I loved my overall time with the company, and refuse to let the last four months, or my time at the Eugene, Oregon location, dictate my overall positive experience.

Hooping Lead Photo

Sometimes, it is okay to let go of something once it no longer serves you.

Anyways, I am sad to be leaving for a few reasons, all of which revolve around missing people that have loved, supported and been family for me throughout my twenties. People who were, again there for me, and Bradford, when we literally had nothing we could do to help get us on our feet. These are the same people that made Salt Lake a place for me.

But, I've said it so many times on my blog, it is literally ridiculous; SL, UT (Salt Lake, Utah) is only good when I am living at The Compound. So, the natural conclusion I have reached is always going to be the entire Walters clan needs to move with me, and since that won't happen we'll do the next best thing: visits.

Bradford and I, both want to move back to our valley of milk and honey. We want to raise our cats and our hypothetical someday only child in a place where the air is breathable, and the water tasty and healthy straight from the tap. We are both exploring our options for school-- considering what we both may want for long-term while attempting to reach short term goals (jobs, roof over head, Oregon).

There are a lot of unknowns, and variables. I am scared about leaving the security we've built up here, but I am praying that, if anything, our time in Utah has taught us we can do anything. I am mostly nervous leaving our security, and not having my partner around for a good month/month and a half nearby to rely on one another.

I am not worried about our relationship, per say. I think my worry mostly stems from knowing I'll miss Bradford terribly.

I love being near him.

There are times where we are snuggled close together, and he'll whisper or sing song lyrics softly to me, and it's comforting, loving, warm, and so, so Bradford. Last night as I drifted off to sleep I heard quietly:
"There's an energy
When you hold me
When you touch me
It's so powerful
I can feel it
When you hold me
When you touch me
It's so powerful"
Because, you know, Major Lazer is romance.

I guess after I leave in twenty days my happy thought will be our reunion-- and, while I wait for Bradford I will work toward goals and having a pleasant late spring/early summer.

Speaking of Goals, tis the day I will be crafting mine, so even though I haven't written in a long while, and I could probably go on for forever, I will end this entry.