The other night while I was sitting on the floor with my back straight, up against the sofa, and legs stretched straight in front of me, I moved wrong and my back went out. It came out of no where, Bradford was asleep behind me on the couch as I was wrapping a hula hoop. I yelped, then cried out, and then couldn't stop the tears.
I've been having some on-and-off pain in my back for two weeks straight-- it happens wit my lady issues, back pain has always how cramps manifested themselves as early as 11 with my first period.
It has been an ugly, and awful way to kick off birthday week (I will be 31 on Friday).
Currently, life has been more stressful, and frustrating than anything else, and it's got me depressed. Plus, it's been about three years since I've had doctor instructions to not hoop, and whenever I am told to stay away from the hoop-- the one thing that seeming brings pain relief, outside of narcotics, I get sad.
But, apparently, this is too jarring, so even if it helps soothe lady pains, it will wreak havoc on my sacrum until it's better.
On a positive note, I finally have an in with being able to set myself up with a primary doctor, finally. After I got my insurance, I learned that even though I have good insurance (thanks, Obama), there are so many people trying to find providers that NO ONE IS TAKING NEW PATIENTS.
No one.
In March, when I had to go into the ER for what was either a flare up of Diverticulitis, or a cyst being dickish (Thanks, PCOS), the ER doctor was horribly unkind, didn't listen to me, made me feel uncomfortable, gave me medication I was unsure the use for (I'll take responsibility on this one for not asking more questions, but I also was in pain, and at a point where I was like; 'just gimme something to make me feel better'), and then gave me the name of a follow-up doctor who was male, I knew nothing about, and he decided he'd be my new primary since I didn't have one.
His words were; "this is the primary I am giving you."
You're not gifting me something, I am uncomfortable with, douche. Also, if he had paid any attention during his questions he would have learned that I have a difficult time with male doctors (except for Dr. Schaffer, and Dr. Nance), because of past sexual abuse, rape, and I feel vulnerable from the miscarriages.
The ER doctor yesterday listened to me beautifully. Commented on how well I conduct myself and communicate medical issues, and then when she recommended a follow-up doctor, and SUGGESTED that I might ask the doctor she recommended to be my primary, but the doctor recommended is a local family practice, female doctor I know relatively well, because at one point was my mother's primary care doctor.
So, I am making an appointment with Dr. Katherine Beckstrand, and it's my hopes that this will be the first steps I take to getting myself better. I hope that through seeing a primary I can get set-up with a therapist, get going towards working with endocrinologist, and hopefully just have a better, different take on my wellness.
In the meantime, I spent over four hours on the phone with Jess the other day. We caught each other up on stuff, allowed each other to have brief pity parties-- and, surprisingly enough, having her to complain my first world problems to helped my attitude a lot. Plus, I know that I was a reassuring voice for her in a few things as well.
Moreover, I was able to talk to Jess about some of the things going on as far as Buckleberry Hoops, and KUWS-- I shared the news about my Google Adsense Application being approved, and Jess was super eager to here my ideas for writing topics, and my goals of slowly directing KUWS back to it's main course of action, and treat it a little less like a I am a 12-year-old girl spilling all my woes out, with little else thrown in.
I told Jess about still wanting to write about my experiences as being a secondary spouse to a midwife, I told her about wanting to try and do a better job eating and how maybe writing about my experiences of eating healthy while being on Public Assistance-- showing the things I receive when I need aid from Food For Lane County, and the things I do with my limited SNAP budget. I expressed interest in wanting to put a funny spin about Ian, Jess, and Ian's living situations in the past, and how when you're in the right family, regardless of how that family may look, it is easier to "Adult." And, I want to maybe write about some of the more insensitive things I've heard, or read from my pregnancy losses-- maybe sharing the funnier responses I've had to try and put some humor into a dark subject.
I also want to put a focus back on hooping a little more-- I will be performing at the Festival of Eugene this year, and I am Choreographing my Hoop Dance myself. I kinda want to explore the steps I took putting together my performance, because unlike a lot of what I am seeing as far as performers, I don't have extensive studies in dance, or have a choreographer.
Anyways, I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, or not make good on these goals, but it was really nice talking to my friend, and having her get excited with me over some of the ideas I've been kicking around in my head, and I hope it'll be nice to see these things come to be over time.
No comments:
Post a Comment