It will hurt, it will take time, it will require dedication, it will require will power, it will require sacrifice, there will be temptation. But, I promise you, when you reach your goal, it's worth it.

Perfectly, perfect.

So, one of the things I wanted to do at the beginning of 2015 was share a recap of 2014, and the things I've learned-- to help share some sort of amazing transformational story. Something that would end with some sort of cliche that reminds us all to trust the (weight loss) journey.

As I've been taking the time to breathe easy, appreciate all the wonderful, small things in my life that make it great, and recognizing the need for kindness in my heart and daily activities, it has also shown me that it's okay that I don't have grand words to paint 2014 out to be something more than it really was.

It is okay that in my grief and anguish from 2014 in review, that I can find the time to feel excitement in this coming up year. There were good things that came from 2014, if one were to read through my status updates on Facebook from last year at this time I was dying to be out of Utah, and I've been shown time and time again, that when life gets hard the Oregon air, soil, rain, fog, greens, sun, rivers, and ocean wrap me up tight in her healing arms. And, 2014 brought me back to the very, very beginning, to get me healthy and rebuild. And, it really has been hard dealing with PCOS, and my hormone imbalance.

PCOS/endometrial bleeding has been a big, hard part of my life, for many years. Studies show over, and over how difficult it is for PCOS sufferers to lose weight, and the different ailments that go along with having Polycystic Ovaries. I know that being stationary won't fix the pain that surrounds the illness. And, though I feel that it's frustrating not allowing my reflection, and the scale reflect the work I've been putting into my health, nutrition, and workouts, I also know that nothing will change, while doing nothing.

So, even though I've been undeniably sad about my inability to take off weight, and the constant weight gain I've been experiencing since November 2013, when I experienced my miscarriage from that pregnancy, I've been working towards none weight-loss goals, that are still health related. I want to lower my daily stress, take the time to shower my body with love (I've been really advocating the need for self-care in our home lately), I've been really focusing on low-impact, daily activities; walking, and hula hooping, and I've been organizing my life to help de-clutter the cobwebs in my mind.

I've been trying to read, and listen to music more, I've been using the camera around the house (I'll share some pictures at the bottom of this post), I am still waiting to hear back from the state about insurance, but plan on finding a good therapy match soon, and I've begun keeping a Household Management Binder that will hold my coupons, household monthly budget, menu, events, yearly, monthly, and weekly goals, and also recap overall household Need To Knows.

I am hoping with a little time and effort being put into myself, I'll be able to redefine my health goals each month, keep my over-all well being as a main priority, and really work towards wrapping up our life here in Eugene in preparation to relocating to Benton County (in about 9 months)-- which I am really looking forward to. I've been studying up on PCOS (trying to decide the best diet, and/or best exercise plan), and really teaching myself the importance of balance in my life.

For the first time in my entire life I feel like I have a relatively good balance between a good work life, a good balance of house work, enjoying my relationship and feeling so glad to enjoy our space together, and self-care. And, I think giving some much needed self-care will be key in helping reach daily smiles. I still need to follow through with setting up a writing spot, and getting a few house things in order, but I plan on posting recipes in here again, and hopefully sharing some success in what I learn while using my Household Binder-- last night I had $40 in savings from coupons.

I am looking forward to a possible visit and hosting my sister, Amanda, and her little family in my little apartment in West Eugene sometime this Spring. It'll be really nice to maybe get to watch Zoey, my niece, for an evening so her mom and dad can go out for their Anniversary. I am looking forward to cooking for more than just Brad and I, and maybe getting to spoil Zoey a little, and hopefully we'll see our younger brother for some Maple Garden too.

Plus, I am excited for Bradford to meet more of my family. It's been so nice, that even with the distance, he has met my sister, Hayley, my brothers, Devon and Andrew, and will soon be meeting my sister, Amanda, we'll get to maybe play some board games with her and her husband Ryan, and I will be able to spend some time with Zoey for the very first time since she was 9 months old.

This morning my meditation has been about not glorifying this past year (being grateful it's done), and embracing this slow, new beginning. That my life is on the road to being perfectly, perfect.