"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." --Vicki Harrison

At the end of the day it's been a week since my mom left her Earthly body, and started her new journey. It's been a really, really weird week.

It's like being in a fog-- everything I do has an air of sadness about it. Everyone's advice sounds cliche and trite; I assure you, I know that time is the only thing that is going to put things right again, even though things will never quite be right again.

I have had a couple of comments posted to me on social media about my mother and I's relationship, which has been hard, but I just delete it. MY PERSONAL  RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER IS NO ONE'S BUSINESS. I know that's hard to understand, because I do share so much of myself online, however you'll note that I don't share my personal relationship, or experiences I had with my mom. I really keep that part of myself separate from my online life, and to think that my mom didn't have a profound influence in even my daily activities is absurd.

I feel like this shouldn't need explaining-- it is weird how many people have given me/gave me unsolicited advice on our situation (unsolicited meaning if I don't see/speak to you at least 4 times a month, or our interactions are limited to Facebook then I probably am not seeking your advice, or care to know your opinion).

Anyways, my composure on the subject hasn't balanced in the last week, clearly.

Bradford and I have had a lot of good talks in the wake of my mother's recent passing--he's been a true pillar of strength, going through his own mother's death in Fall '11. Moreover, Bradford has been going through his own stuff, 15 days ago he was laid off, and even though we've been trying to focus on things in a positive light it's naive to think that we are anything less than stressed out.

Especially since it's hard going to work for me right now, and being upbeat and positive-- it doesn't help that I absolutely love my job, but feel under appreciated and I am not getting the hours I need to not only support myself, but I can't even fathom how I can even begin to be of some help to Bradford.

However, after much discussion I think Bradford and I have a plan to help our current situation. A week ago, Bradford received a letter from Worksource Oregon Employment Department stating that he is eligible to apply for the Self Employment Assistance Program (SEA). The benefit of the program is to allow a person to concentrate full-time on a personal business venture while not having to worry about conducting a weekly work search, and still receive UI benefits.

In short, Bradford would get paid to help focus on Buckleberry Hoops and do some of the things I've been wanting to do for years, and haven't been able to. Buckleberry was found on July 6, 2012, and was mainly formed as a next natural step in my hooping journey, and though I feel like I've been allotted opportunities to expand on my business, grow as a hooper, and educate myself I haven't been allotted the time. Now, Bradford and I have the time to really focus on making Buckleberry a more full-time career.

I am excited, because we've already started conceptualizing our website, I talked to my good friend that does design work, and she'll be making up our business cards, and on top of the website, and business cards I also have Radiance Photographics permission to use images for the website.

Also, speaking of excitement, on Friday I am donating two hoops to two local schools (a drawing will be done Thursday to determine who wins said hoops), and in July Buckleberry Hoops is donating three hoops to The Lane County Fair as prizes for juvenile winners of the photography contest at the Photography Exhibit.

I guess, that in light of some hard times, we are still working hard, and dreaming, and laying the ground work for something positive. I plan on finishing the Hooping with Kids Hoop Teacher Training Course, I have compiled a list of services for the website/business plan focusing on the following; hoop classes, hoop jams, private lessons, custom hula hoops for kids and adults, performances, hoop making workshops, birthday parties, corporate event entertainment and more-- it's my hope that after three years of making hoops at home that Bradford and I can start taking the steps to get us to the next level and make us a legitimate business.

I am ebbing, flowing, and swimming like a true Oregon Duck-- gliding across the water, gracefully, as I work below the surface, tirelessly.

Flow.