In my opinion that person didn't know Jess, Ian, the kids, and myself well enough to make that call, however since then there have been a few times Jess has mentioned struggling with the idea of codependency.
Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional "helping" relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.
The dynamics of The Compound; our home, the place that houses our family, are not normal-- there is no denying that, but I can honestly say that I have never been healthier than when living in that home. And I've never experienced the same level of independence and freedom anywhere else outside of The Compound.
But, this blog post isn't about midwifery, or the role I play supporting a midwife. This blog post is mostly about how being apart of a functioning family as an adult has improved my life, and has freed me to pursue my own goals, and the ability to be happy without guilt-- and, this is true for each member of our family.
Like I had mentioned in my last blog entry:
"Communal living is a potent and powerful medium for free, creative, experimental, sustainable, ecological, and fulfilling way of life. By pooling together money, creativity, skills, assets, ideas, and resources; and thereby supplying basic needs through communal energies, three are both an abundance of all things available, and an optimization in the efficiency of their use."
But, it's so much more than that once you allow yourself to open your heart and your mind up to the possibility that family isn't just biology and happenstance. And, once you're at that point, it is just a matter of learning that there is no one persons' needs that are more important than another persons'.I've known Jessica and Ian since 2004, and have lived with them nearly six years out of our eleven year friendship-- it hasn't always been easy, but the solutions to any problems that rear their ugly heads are generally easy to solve; communication. I don't think Jess and Ian could share their home, their kids, food, private time with one another, and so much more with me if we weren't able to talk.
It sounds so simple. Talking. Talking is what has made my best friend so much more than that to me. The three of us have been co-parents; all caring deeply, and loving the three children in our care. The three of us have been able to support our individual interests; Ian's music (off and on), Jess' work, and my hooping-- all while homeschooling three children, raising chickens, rabbits, cats, and our own food.
I think that our friendship has taught each of us a great deal about mental illness in adults-- and how differently it can influence a life. And, it's because of that our children are being raised with great sensitivity and empathy, along side understanding humor, listening, and being able to use their intuition matched with the building blocks of common sense to be allowed the freedom to be silly, and act their age without prematurely growing up, or in the same breath acting like imbecile (meaning, they know how to use their manners while still being 11, 8. and 5).
Once more, even with our current distance, we continue to have that close family connection-- regardless of how much, or how little we call one another. Our kinship may not be "normal," but I think the assumption that it's unhealthy, or codependent is just whack (or jealousy)!
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| March 2015 |
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| May 2011 |
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| Ovulation X is love |
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| February 2014 |
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| Kieran's 10th birthday |
Jess and Ian 2013
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