Today, I pseudo fought with my sister. Which I hate, probably a little more than most people, because she is a bulldozer. And, since I can't seemingly assert myself without coming across as being a bitch (since I never do it, I think it shocks people when I use my voice), I ended up making apologies to her.
Here's the thing, as far as Marc and I's wedding is concerned-- I really don't care what other people think, or want, this isn't about them. This is about us.
The biggest deciding factor as to why we wanted to "elope" is because of that very reason, we wanted this to be about us. However, my sister and I's small conversation, has left me feeling the need to defend our decision, and myself-- if not to her face, to at least put it out there, so I won't carry my anger from today any longer...
My sister decided to send me Urban Dictionary's online definition of 'elope' earlier to try and say that we are not eloping, we are having a very small wedding, and that she was offended by my long list of guests, and the fact that my brothers, her, and my parents had nothing to do with it. Then she decided to degrade me on a public forum by telling me that this proves how much they must mean to me.
Wow!
Fair enough, I thought the literal definition of elope was to 'run away'-- I could be wrong, and I haven't googled it, but either way I asked Marc's mom's permission to marry him, so right off the bat we're failing with traditional elopement plans with me getting a parent's consent.
We decided to elope a few years ago when we originally were engaged, when Marc and I were struggling because of a bunch of personal things that have to do with his family-- it put a lot of stress on us, and we went from wanting a big ceremony where his siblings stood with him, and mine with me, and our colors were going to be Chakra-inspired, and Jess' kids would have been part of the bridal party, and parents, and pictures, and cake, and etcetera, and etcetera-- to wanting no one there (one person specifically).
We decided we didn't want the stress. We didn't want to deal with having to decide where to do it (Utah, or Oregon), we didn't want to pile debt onto our parents (because we certainly don't have the money flow to chip in), we didn't want to deal with hurt feelings (Marc experienced a lot of hurt feelings due to his siblings weddings, and had a really hard time with the concept that his siblings' weddings were their thing) about who got to do what, or who wanted to be apart of the wedding party, we didn't want to deal with travelers, or trying to find places for people to stay, we didn't want the traditional rehearsal dinner, or people only really showing up to the reception for free food. And, I didn't want to feel like a parade of a who's who from anyone's ward (I'm not trying to be offensive, but that's what Utah gatherings are).
We wanted it to be me, and him, in a beautiful place that we'll always remember, on a spectacular day that would be set in hearts.
We decided to get married on our next trip to Oregon. Our vacation we were already planning. We love going there, as I'm always at my happiest, and Marc gets to enjoy the company outside of just me and sample Northwest Beer, and really experience rain. And, with my dad, Deana, and pretty much all of my family moving this month we saw the perfect opportunity for fairness-- Marc's siblings and parents, and my siblings (with the exception of Andrew), and parents would all be in different states...
As far as our 'long list of guests,' it is me, Marc, our photographer, our friend marrying us, my witness, Marc's witness, and Jess. Jess is the only person who is coming that's unplanned (and that's only because she cried)-- that put's us at 7 people.
We are running away on vacation, and getting married with both sets of parents' fully aware.
There will be pictures for everyone to enjoy after, and I've been blogging about this experience, and posting on facebook about it, because I am excited, and I figured that our family and friends would enjoy the little updates, but instead I've upset my sister.
But, like I said a few blog posts ago, planning our elopement has taught me very quickly how true Skye's words are:
"NO ONE in the world will handle it the way you want them to. No one will care as much as you and even the people you love the most will find a way to make it more difficult for you. It's always the case."
Anyways, I love my sister very much, but my plans weren't made to deliberately leave her out-- our plans were designed to leave out only one person deliberately. And, I commend Amanda for articulating her feelings, but in there she accused me of being snotty, which I feel is a really unfair accusation. On top of calling me a 'dumbass.' Her strong words have left me wanting to hug her to remind her that I love her, and simultaneously slap her around.
Those two huge disparaging remarks has left me feeling relieved at our decision. I just wish our decision wasn't hurting any one's feelings.
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