It hasn't been an easy, or fun road, but I am an avid believer that being idle won't fix anything. Unfortunately, like I've mentioned in previous posts, it hasn't been until the last several years that I have been able to find good online sources to help with support and education with my condition.
Prior to that it was always lose weight, without any explanation on how one can lose weight while suffering from a condition that not only makes it difficult to take off weight, but also makes you gain weight explanation.
I've mentioned being at a loss until finding hula hooping, which taught me a great deal about pain management, and how after a while with it, and the help of MyFitnessPal I took off a lot of weight (at my heaviest back in 2007/2008 I was at/over 300 pounds-- no one knows for sure, if you stay clear of scales).
However, ever since the methotrexate injections the pain hasn't been manageable. And, for someone who doesn't like to sit completely idle, it's awful, and it brings on depression. I hate not being able to function normally. It makes me angry.
My sister, Hayley, wrote this article about Invisible Illness for the Northern Star a few years ago. Sometimes looking at my younger sister's struggle have similarities to mine makes me feel less alone, and gives me strength. That's kinda what a lot of the online support does for me. It makes me feel less bad about being broken.
Today, I am trying desperately hard to move away from the anger, move away (metaphorically) from the pain, and try to focus on other stuff-- more specifically, I am going to focus on stuff I can/need to do that I can do while staying put.
Essentially, today I am going to call-in (I already asked a co-worker if he would be able to cover me if I ended up calling in, and he said he would be available. I am SO, so grateful), I am going to practice some stretching, and yoga poses to try and ease some of this. I will get in meditation, and some breathing exercise and also practice the Leg/Wall Pose, before doing a long, hot soak.
Afterwards, I plan on putting my organization/creative skills to work, and working on some of the following hoop related things I need to get done: I have a hoop I need to finish wrapping, I want to take nice(r) quality pictures of the hoops I currently have on hand to get posted to Buckleberry Hoops' Facebook page so I can hopefully sell some of the hoops I have on hand. I want to make a realistic list of things to do, and start organizing the Flow Jam event Buckleberry Hoops is hosting with the Eugene Hoopery a little better so that Stephanie and I can make a decent, fun thing happen on June 6th.
I hope some intense self-care, and getting a bunch of 'To Dos' taken care of I never want to do (because who wants to sit at a computer all day when you're working five days a week?), I'll feel better. I want to care for myself so on Friday I'll have a good attitude for work, and I am hoping with a little effort I can sell a few hoops, and then start work on the Hoop Jam.
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