To say I've been trying to write a blog post for a while is a little bit of an understatement.
Well, here's an obligatory run-down:
I've been working as a hostess at a local restaurant for about a month now, it is a few miles away from my apartment in West Eugene, and I love it. It's been a welcome change of pass working in a kitchen-- it's fast-paced, fun, and food is involved. It's amazing feeling so good at the end of each of my shifts. Not to mention a serious, much needed blessing.
Things have been great on a personal level as well, I moved from my roommates home into a small two bedroom apartment. I miss being close to my roommates, but feel so blessed to have me, and Gabriel set-up and comfy and cozy on our own. We have Bradford, my boyfriend, and Schrödinger, his cat-- and all of us together make up the cutest nerd family. It's crazy how quickly things became delightfully domestic.
With Bradford's support I've been looking into finishing my degree, and maybe taking part in the Culinary Arts and Hospitality Management Program at Lane Community College-- it's a big decision, and I am trying not to take it lightly, I've followed through with filing my FAFSA paperwork and applying to Lane. I am hoping that with a little work, and organization I can hammer out the details, and make a good decision, before further putting the two of us into debt.
I am taking a break from Facebook-- much like my needed break last year. I feel that even though there are so many blessings in my life currently, there is no denying that I am finally dealing with the grief I put on hold in the Spring-- I was extremely depressed during that time, but the random mishaps that led to sudden changes in my life made me put that depression on hold and get myself in a more healthy and safe situation. Now, I am back to dealing with feeling all the hurt and grief I feel for having two losses back-to-back, dealing with the ugly hard side of PCOS, dealing with the hurt feelings I have from being ostracized, and hurt by a loved one, dealing with the repercussions of staying in a relationship with a mentally unwell partner for so long, and dealing with some hard rage that has settled in my gut.
I have started taking steps in the direction of wellness, but it takes a lot of patience, time, work, and want. So, Facebook is gone, until I am feeling better.
Moreover, my Utah family has also disassociated themselves from my ex. I am grateful for that for a variety of reasons, unfortunately, that decision also briefly put me in a spot. However, I feel like I handled it as appropriately as one can, I ended up needing to tell his family some of the things my ex told my best friend, because there was a health/safety concern, after involving them, we asked for no further contact from them. Endings are sad, but this was very necessary. I am mostly sad, because I really liked my ex's sisters.
On a completely joyful, happy note on the 4th of December I am meeting Cary Elwes. I am stoked.
In the meantime, I am working on a new set of goals for 2015, and I am working my ass off to complete my one big goal of 2014 (my new year's resolutions fell to the waste-side). I want to be back under 200lbs, after both the pregnancies PCOS does what it does, and my weight became uncontrollable. I hit back up to 230 at one point-- despite working very hard to maintain health. I am currently back at 215.2lbs. I generally tell people that health isn't a number on a scale, and that is very true, but I also know that my current weight isn't healthy. My short term goal has been to be back under 200lbs, and my long-term goal has been to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, which was 185.
Once I've reached those goals I'll reassess. I also have other goals, but soon enough I know I am gonna reach this goal. And, I am so grateful that I am finishing 2014 so strong.
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