We finally heard back about Bradford's unemployment benefits.
Bradford was denied.
My sweet-love, had started his position with Symantec last year right around the time we had started dating. He actually hates IT work, but he has a degree and experience working with computers. He needed to work, because prior to this he had been going to school at Oregon State University for two years, accumulating out-of-state debt. This job was part of his plan to fully become an Oregonian so he would no longer have to pursue his Physics degree at OSU as an out-of-stater-- there is something like a $14,495 savings in becoming a resident, and paying in-state tuition versus out-of-state tuition.
It's significant.
Things have been stretched thin and hard since April 14th when Symantec was doing huge lay-offs, and Bradford ended up being one of the people, of hundreds, that lost their jobs during massive layoffs. I played the supporting partner, and tried to help him see the positive; he actually didn't like working there, he made only okay money, but after paying our monthly bills, and paying on our student loans it wasn't like we were putting tons of money in savings.
I've mentioned in a previous post having a plan of action for this time-- I comforted Bradford, we discussed things, and we were hoping that through Unemployment he qualified for a program; Self-Employment Assistance Program (SEA), wherein Bradford would essentially get paid for six months for working on Buckleberry Hoops, instead of the traditionally unemployment benefits.
The loop hole that ended up having him get denied qualification for any assistance after waiting from April 14th until June 25th, is apparently something to do with how many hours he worked in the time he was there. I don't really understand the ins and outs of everything, but it is hard news that Bradford went from working full time to losing his position to not being able to get unemployment.
And, it's hard for me too. I feel like a failure, because as we approach July we simply cannot pay our rent.
After Brad lost his job, I went to mine and asked for more hours, and asked to learn different positions at the restaurant to try and cross-train to hopefully pickup hours that way too. I went from working 10 to 15 hours a week, babysitting here and there, managing my home, and working on my side business to working just under 30 hours a week, babysitting here and there, learning to delegate my responsibilities at home (which Jess will really understand how difficult that has been for me), and teaching Bradford how Buckleberry Hoops works; slowly teaching him Customer Service, how to use Facebook to get back to customers sooner, explaining to him how I want my website to look (and in one month from June 19th the domain name for my website will be mine again), teaching him how to build hoops, and basic hoop principles as not to send him into the community with absolutely no knowledge.
Between working at Izzy's and Buckleberry Hoops (blog, and cooking included) I work about 55+ hours a week. I am tired. And, I feel confused-- everything my very conservative upbringing has taught me makes me feel like a lazy, good-for-nothing.
Bradford and I keep taking turns feeling downtrodden-- it's a depressing feeling.
I keep having to remind myself that Bradford moved here with what he could fit in his little two-door car and drove from West Virginia to Oregon only a few years ago. He had nothing, but his cat, Schrodinger, a blow-up mattress, a computer, and his clothing in plastic garbage sacks-- deciding to move here to pursue a Physics degree a year after his mother passed. I moved here recovering from a complete life over-haul. I've been in some constant state of mourning since November 2013.
Building a life together takes time, we've only been together a little over a year, and even though things are hard now, I just keep trying to remind myself that when it comes to money-issues, things always seemingly workout. But, I can't get over this deepening ingrained feeling of how my 30s should look.
I am not married. I have not completed my education. I do not have children, and most likely cannot have children-- that 75% chance of motherhood not happening for me sans medical assistance is looking more and more true since being told that in 2007. I don't have a fulfilling, sustaining personal business and career I love. I am no longer a size 10, and I am just now starting to feel comfortable in my body again after a long time of feeling completely broken. I have medical debt that would stop a normal, healthy person's heart from beating.
I am in debt, over-weight, barely holding on, and on the precipice of losing our apartment, because during the first few months of Brad being laid off we've lived off of my 20 to 29 hours a week at $9.25 a hour, along with our savings for relocating to Corvallis for Bradford's Fall term, and kept Buckleberry Hoops afloat (I made some money, but mostly broke even on a few investments).
Brad has been trying to find a job in Corvallis, but now his car-- our only means of transportation outside my bike, is in dire need of care, and we are worried that if he does get a relatively decent being job in Corvallis he won't be able to make it back and forth.
Complaint. Complaint. Complaint.
I am just worried. It's not like my friends aren't in similar situations. Bradford is doing what he can to help us make the money we need for rent in the next three days. I am working. And, we'll get by What About Bob style with some baby steps.
Today, I am sad. Today, is for resetting. Today, I am going to nap, go to work at 5, and then retry tomorrow. But, for today, instead of letting the grief overwhelm me, I will take a nap with my love, we'll break from this constant stress, and deal with out problems head on together, after a much needed brief break.
Peace out.
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